Today I hit a snag. Energy dropped BIG TIME. So I got dressed in my workout clothes but didn't want to work out.
A friend of mine who has really been working hard on self improvements in his life (including being sober) has just posted an awesome reminder that we are not alone. Because what he wrote is exactly how I feel today!
He wrote:
"Sometimes I get that feeling of being stuck and wanna give up. That's when I take a moment to reflect on where I've been and how much I've accomplished! In that moment it gives me the courage and motivation to get back to focusing on today. In turn I can then look forward to the surprises and accomplishments the future holds. I have to remember though you can't dwell to much on the past nor plan too far into the future. You're not gonna go anywhere unless you are enjoying your life, having fun along the way and living in the now."
So looking back, there were several "accomplishments" I have done.
1) I got hung up on a boy that treated me like crap, not like a person but like something expendable. And I really, really liked him which is a rare thing for me. I had a hard time letting him go. I know he's been going through a lot of shit in his life but I tried to deal with it and probably made excuses for him to act the way he was. But it ate me up pretty rough. I pretended like I didn't care which might have made it worse. I admit that I started exercising as a way to deal with everything bad in my life but also to prove that I could be as pretty as the girls he's been around. I felt alone, stuck in a rut, really unhappy with who I was and what I looked like. I wasn't even fat, just unhappy. The exercising became a form of therapy. I started getting the natural highs that come with it and it's beautiful. Eventually, I did stop caring about his actions.
2) Work sucks! Everyone at work is miserable. And pretty much all my friends are co-workers. There's a few friends not from work but I rarely see them. So I started getting drawn into the drama's of my co-workers, whether it was work related or something in their personal lives. I had nothing else in mine so I borrowed their problems. Some of it was TOO much. I would go over to someone's home completely happy and leave in tears. So I had to turn that off. I realized a lot of their drama reminded me of my past and that I can't hold onto that!! I've dealt with my issues. The exercising gave me a focal point and has helped a lot by keeping me busy and I'd get a rush but after awhile, I started getting worn out and "rutted" because all I was doing was exercising. So I started paying attention to a couple of people on facebook that were working really hard on a "gratitude attitude". It's made a huge difference. I started looking for tons of saying that I wanted to be me. I started taking the good and would shrug off the bad. It's been really amazing!! One day, someone posted something about not needing validation because she's a strong and independent woman and at the time, I didn't feel like that... I was working to get recognized and I wasn't getting it. So that struck a nerve. I want to be able to hold my head up high without anyone giving me approval but myself. For a couple of months, that's all I've been working on. I changed positions at work. I started standing up for myself. When I feel down, I remind myself that I'm beautiful, funny, smart, energetic woman and I don't need anyone telling me that I am. I already know I am. So the same friend who posted that and who's had a huge impact on me wrote the following to me: I'm always grateful for your free spirit, nonjudgmental, crazy self!! Its funny because once again, my view has 
been altered by such a simple statement. I'm always so worried how someone "sees" me. I shouldn't care. I do want people to like me...but I AM a free spirit. I have a damn good time when I stop caring about what other people see in me. I like being different. I like standing out. I have my own way and it's beautiful and happy. I make people smile. I can lift up other people and NOT be thrown off or under by their sorrows. I've also come to realize, that most of the time I don't know what other people are seeing when they look at me. I always think the worst. That their judging me, looking down on me. But that isn't the case the majority of the time. It turns out, I just need to have confidence in myself. In doing that, I've met a lot more people and I am having so much fun again. I can feel myself really growing as a person.
I feel like I could commit to being with someone just yet and that they could do what they will with that but to not expect anything from me except a good friend who wants to enjoy life. But also, the reverse advise to myself. I don't need to feel like shit when someone's not into me. It's life. When it's right, it will be right and until then, I don't want to "force" a relationship or force myself to feel something I'm not ready to feel. I've done that and it was miserable and everyone ended up in pain. I feel free right now. When I'm out with someone, I let things happen and when I feel like he's going somewhere I'm uncomfortable with, I let him know. It's been an amazing experience so far. For once in my life, I don't think dating sucks.... I am open for possibilities but I'm also super great with me being alone. I just want to go out and enjoy the world with people. Learn more, evolve more, and be happy.
Life really is amazing. I've learned so much about myself in the past year. It's all things I already knew, but sometimes we lose track of those things and we need to re-learn them. That's where I'm at right now. I feel like I'm in control of my attitude and am able to handle problematic things so much better. I've let a bunch of stress go and it's AWESOME!! Plus, I'm just loving my body and who I am. I'm not talking about being skinny or fit, but being happy in my skin! I realize that it's my choice. I can let things bother me or realize that 90% of what comes at me isn't that big of a deal. It's just a speck in time that after awhile won't even be second thought.
