Sometimes you have to have fun... Then get back to work!

Day 18...FINISHED!! This was an awesome workout. So great. If anyone wants to do it, go to Bodyrock.tv.com or to https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLdLzQAslwOS7dTmPGigl_1Ju6C0I3y-6T
Because it will kick your butt. Literally.

I admit, Thursday and Friday I missed my workout due to... other activities... that might not have been so healthy but were fun all the same...

Thursday my co-worker and I took some clients to work. Yep, it was AMAZING but not healthy food. I found out my body doesn't like me to eat unhealthy any more. 2 weeks was all it took to dislike unhealthy food. So I hardly ate my dinner but had this incredible drink they call a double duckie. Let's just say, you are limited to having only 1. After dinner I met up with a friend and went salsa dancing... Until 1:30 in the AM... My poor toes.. Friday morning, this was my facebook status: Forced myself out of bed this morning, forced myself to take a shower... sat for awhile and then said to myself... 'crap, now I gotta microwave my hair'. So glad I didn't.

Then Friday I went and played in my co-workers "man cave" which is their garage. There was also a fire outside. MMM... Love the fire. Stayed until after 1 AM and didn't have dinner before going... Yeah, not so healthy again... Plus I was saddened by a guy friend who doesn't seem to care if I exist and I was mean to him because of it.... I didn't feel great when I got home.

Saturday I slept in forever, skipping breakfast and lunch. Got out of bed, worked out, ate something, took a shower and then....On to a hot tub party. Didn't eat much but there were 15 people trying to get in one normal sized hot tub so you know it's a party! Again a late night. But I did workout before going to this party. So that counts for something.... Right?

Anyway, by the time Sunday roles around I'm totally dehydrated. I felt drained and tired emotionally and physically and to be honest, forgot to eat on Sunday as well so that made it even worse. I just didn't want to get out of bed. This morning was the same. I didn't want to get dressed, take a shower or anything. I just wanted to lay in bed. Not even sleep. Just lay there...thoughtless... But I force myself to go to work and I'm doing what I'm supposed to do but nothing more. Really, I've always given 150% at work but there is so much drama and crap going on. I exerted the energy that was required of me and nothing more and I didn't care. I was not going to wear myself out for a place that is feeding negative energy to it's employees by having them back stab each other. It was actually pretty gratifying. I did everything I was supposed to but without the stress.

By the time work is over, I'm ready for a workout!

Did I mention how awesome day 18 was? I was doing things I never thought I could do. My push ups felt awesome. I actually felt bad for Lisa, the instructor, and kept trying to help her because she was struggling. I'm ready to go again! But the next 3 days are rest days so I'm thinking I'll actually do workout 11 again and then 18 the next day and then jump into day 22. I've already had a couple of rest days and I'm so excited to get back into this. It makes me feel like I'm releasing so much crap that's been holding me down. I love it so much. I feel hopeful and focused. It's such a beautiful thing. I can't get enough. I am glad for my temporary bad day on Friday and my blah day on Sunday. I realize how great this feels because of it.

Don't give up!

And day 15 of BodyRocktv.com 30 day challenge complete. I'm half way done with this challenge. I will admit, I turned it off after 15 minutes into the video. Then I restarted it, got to 40 minutes and had to refocus again. But hey, I DID IT. There was no quitting. I even did the bonus abs in the end. When that voice comes into your head and says "you can't", go into BEAST MODE and say, "Bull"... Now I'm exhausted but super happy this is done. I feel like my brain is finally able to shut off for a minute and I can seriously rest.

*sigh of relief*

Technicalities

So day 13 and 14 on Body Rock is supposed to be rest days but because I rested last week when I wasn't supposed to, I figured I'd only rest on day 13 and skip 14's rest. Big mistake.

Starting off with a whine session is bad but it's how I'm feeling so deal with it. Plus, you don't have to read any further. But I always end it on a positive note. Just wait, you'll see...

Work seems to drain me. And being sick makes it worse. I walk in yesterday to find out my co-worker went to the doctor and she had an ear infection along with a throat full of puss. I know the germs making me feel gross started in my throat but are now resting there and in my sinuses and occasionally bother my ears. We started a new project with my main account at work and with how stressful my job is without that, I just don't have time to be sick but I hate doctors! They look at me and tell me I'm fine without really testing for anything.

But AFTER each workout this weekend, I would feel better. My body rests better and I can breath better for a while and I have the feel good natural endorphin's. It was awesome.

Well I didn't work out yesterday and I came home and slept. Couldn't breath. Had a headache. The tension from work just made me sooo tired.  I woke up today and felt worse. We don't have any air flow at work. No windows. We're in the second floor in a cramped space. Everyone is sick. Everyone is short tempered. Everyone is mean. I just want to sit in a corner and cry. I don't want to be there. I don't want people talking to me.

So I decided to do workout 15 today. They changed it up. It's so much more cardio and longer weight intervals. I got 1/4 of the way through and started crying. I don't feel like I can do this today. My head is saying no and my body isn't going to do it without me telling it to... I'm anxious, I still can't breath and I'm repeating things that people said to me today at work. I keep saying to myself that today is bad and tomorrow is fine. Its a day were giving up would be ok because it's supposed to be a rest day anyway. I'm still sick. My head is pounding. I don't want to be anywhere but invisible.

BUT I'M NOT GOING TO GIVE UP. I'm writing this to get my head in the right place. If I make myself invisible when I feel like this, then I have a chance of becoming invisible to myself too. I let those things that are bothering me conquer me. I choose how things affect me and today, I'm going to really push through it. I will let you know in a little over an hour how I do. But today is not the day I loose. Today I conquer myself! And yes, I'm still taking care of my body... drinking water, eating healthy, taking vitamins and resting to get over my sickness. I'm not pushing the workouts, I'm just doing them. And for 1 hour, I can also get my mind in the right place... And that's what I'm choosing to do now. BAM!

Day 12 thoughts

Did it! Day 12 is in the bag. I'm dripping sweat and feeling great. Yes, I might be coughing and sneezing and my nose keeps getting plugged which makes my ears pop...but while I'm working out, I imagine the sickness pouring out of me and I end up feeling better. I'm going to admit, there was one exercise where I had a 15 lb kettle bell over my head and I had to do a forward lunge into a backward lunge without the lunging leg touching in the middle and I did so good on one side and then on the other I fell sideways. I was laughing so hard that I couldn't get the rest of that leg done (it was in the end anyway) and missed my skips but it was awesome. Even though today was legs and butt, my arms are killing me as I'm typing this and I absolutely love it.

Today's point: there is no quitting in this life. Things will come up to get us down but we just need to push through them. The end result will always be better. Sometimes bad things happen so that we have to grow, so we can know ourselves in the weakest and darkest moments. It's when we face them and surpass them that we truly know who we are and then we can grow as a person and can be ready for the good things that are coming. We can't wait for them, we have to find them. Get over the bad and move on!! If not, our eyes won't see the best parts of this world because we're keeping ourselves in the dark.


Time to drink my fluids and rest because I don't want to be sick. I want to keep going forward. I'm going to take care of my body so that I can do anything this world has to offer me. I'm going to take care of my mind so I can over come anything this world throws at me. I choose to be happy! I choose to be successful.

Changes

So I started working out! And I'm excited. Jamie and Kristy (my sister-in-laws) have been doing a 30 day challenge "BODY ROCK" and when I visited Jamie in Colorado, she challenged me to do it too. I've been posting status updates on facebook after almost every workout because it helps me feel like I'm being accountable for staying with it. Might be funny posting after each workout but I did try it and when I posted, I got excited for the next day and when I didn't post, I wasn't as driven.

I did 5 days consistently. Then I went on a weekend vacation and it threw me off. So I started over and kept posting. I think I'm overwhelming my facebook though and I think it's better suited for a blog so...Here we go! I've made a goal to share my work out thoughts and feelings on this poor public piece of social media. Nobody really reads this blog anyway so it's perfect. I can put my thoughts, my successes and my failures on here and when I'm all done, I can read them and become better.

Also, maybe it can help me with food. I struggle on a healthy diet. :(  I think this week I was purposely sabotaged too. My mom made funeral potatoes, someone brought in pizza to work, we started this HUGE consolidation project for MY customer and I'm in charge of it while still handling all the other things I'm supposed to do and we were two people short so the stress is getting to me. And I'm a stress eater. But other than some stress eating, I did good considering how much I used to eat.

Anyway, to get to the real story of this post...I started working out really more than 11 days ago, stopped at day 5, started over and have been 11 days faithful! I did day 10 twice though because I think I'm getting or have had strep (thanks to Stephanie from work for sharing your germs) and day 10 is shorter and I am driven to stay up with this challenge... Which is AWESOME! I did day 11 even though I'm sick and a little bit worried that maybe my body needs to rest but at the end I felt like I conquered such a huge mountain. I just need to drink TONS of liquids and not push myself any more today. REST.

It's been an amazing ride so far. There have been times when I've been fighting my emotions, almost afraid to be me because they have been so off. When I started, I seriously was starting to forget who I am... I would almost cry 15-20 times at work. I felt so stressed and upset at everything. My attitude stunk. So I started working out and changed my diet. First week: still come home upset, beat up and broken.  Flustered by everything. I didn't want to work out. I felt physically and mentally drained. But I made a commitment. So I'd work out so hard and through the whole routine, I'd be cussing Lisa and wondering if I could finish the whole thing. Afterwards, I'd be so thrilled with myself  because I didn't hide under my bed (mentally I could see myself doing that) or stuff myself with a beautiful bacon cheeseburger and a Dr Pepper while watching The Voice or Once Upon A Time which is what I would've loved to have done but I wouldn't have felt any better after. I worked out and I worked out HARD.  I'd have this amazing rush because of what I mentally and physically accomplished. After day 3, I could feel my muscles changing. And I wasn't bloated because I was eating so much better. I was elated! Plus, I saw a big physical change from day 1 to day 7.

Today I don't feel like I've had much change from day 7-11 which is somewhat disappointing because in my head I could see myself being what I had been when I used to run. But not to see a change in a couple of days should be normal, especially the 2nd week. This is where my body is going to fight because it doesn't want change. It's being stressed and it wants to rest. Plus, I did get sabotaged food wise. My determination wavered a couple of times. We got to remember: It takes time to change your life and make it a habit. Just keep getting up when you fall and keep moving!!

So the small victories this week are the most important for me.
- Considering what I used to eat, the damage could've been 4x's worse which is a big deal. I love food.... And I did eat smaller portions of the bad things and there wasn't much of it!! I did eat a salad on a day when I was craving Astro Burger which would've had bacon. That's a huge success.
- I had ZERO Dr Pepper's this week even though I had to go out with a client and the meal was free... Oh how I miss you my delightful 23 flavors...
- I worked out even when I didn't want to and even while being sick. I even got up at 4:45 AM to do so. YES!!
- I feel my muscles and emotions getting stronger from the inside. The outside is soon to follow!
- I can do push-ups where as before I struggled to get more than 3 out ON MY KNEES and even they looked awful!! My form is becoming one of strength.
- I just feel better. I know I'm doing something so great for my health and it makes me so happy. My long term goal really isn't to look a certain way but to feel a certain way. I'm excited the physical changes will be there, don't get me wrong. Everyone wants to be their best self. But when you start to lose the person you know you can be and you don't care that it's happening... That's scary. I'm excited because I know when I do accomplish this goal, I will be a different person in more than one way. I'm building strength from the inside out but at the same time confidence from the outside in.  And that's worth fighting for.

Time

Time is not always friendly. Have you ever thought about it? Sometimes it moves so fast that you lose what your doing in the process of surviving. What a funny thing.

So I don't know what to really write about but I feel like it's been long enough that I should be writing about something. I'm not really working towards anything in my life. Maybe that could be a problem. I was going to run the Chicago marathon...tomorrow... but I hurt my knee and haven't been able to train and some think running without proper training is bad. I tend to agree. I was also going to run the Halloween half but that might have to wait until next year.

But there are good things going on in my life. For instance, next week I get to go to Thriller! SO EXCITED. The week after that I get to go to the ReAl's last game with my mom and a lucky friend. The week after that is HALLOWEEN! See, good things are happening. :)

Speaking of Halloween, this is the first in awhile where I don't know what I want to be. Any suggestions? Halloween has always been one of my favorite holidays because I love to dress up and see what other people can do to themselves. I love the haunted houses. I love the overload of sugar. I love it all. I don't really know what to do this year though.

By the way, if anyone would like to donate to my "Angela needs a vacation fund", it'd be much appreciated.

For Heidi

My friend Heidi told me she would only be my friend if I kept an update on my blog monthly so before this month is over, here's an update.

That's right, she gets a picture on this... ;)

Do you ever feel like there are times in your life where you have nothing to really give or share with other people even though there are things happening in your life that you can talk about? That's how it's been. So I have no idea what I should write about. But for my friend Heidi, I will do my best.

OK, writing about nothing should be super easy for me, I'm so great at BS'ing through things.

I guess I can start this off with running. I am doing the Chicago marathon in October. Training for this marathon should've begun April 11th but I've been having problems with my knees and my ankles and with my self motivation so I've been holding back quite a bit. Turns out, it's making me frustrated with myself oh so much and I've started gaining weight from it. I'm not a person who likes to hold back on ANYTHING. So I've decided to give up sugary treats and carbonated drinks....again. I've been working on giving up carbonation for about....6 months and I knew I should give up the sugar too but figured one step at a time was the best move for me (WRONG). This time I can feel a difference in my attitude though. I want them but when I see them I think "I don't need you, Dr Pepper. There will be a day when I do but for now, I want to get healthy so I can run." and then I walk away. It's a nice feeling. I haven't completely restricted it from my diet BUT I'm wiser with the days that I will allow it. My sister and I have also decided that only 1 day a week, we can eat at a fast food place and I've been doing really good with that. There was twice that I've craved the fast food and we've been doing it for 4 or 5 weeks now. I'm very excited for this marathon though. I get to run it with my cousins and my aunt and I've never been to Chicago!! I know it's going to be a ton of fun and totally worth the work that I put into it. Plus my cousin has incentives for us when we run consecutively each week and if we can raise some money for the charity we are supporting with the run. See, I have much to help me reach the goals I've set for running and for my health. YAY for support!

So... It's funny, I have so many things going on right now that I can write about but I don't have much to say about them.

My brother is marrying his girlfriend, Jamie. They are getting married next month.
She's so cute. We're going to run a half marathon in July. Hopefully I'll be ready for that one. It will be a midnight run along the Legacy highway...with a full moon...with glow-sticks - SO EXCITED. I want to buy glow in the dark socks, head band, shoe laces, anything glowing!

My kids are living here. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH. Seriously, I found something I can write about for a very long time so I'll try to keep this one simple. My sister Janae is in the army and she is currently in Kuwait/Iraq. I miss her so much and I wish I could be a better sister and send her packages every month. I love talking with her over facebook and oddly enough I actually feel closer to her because I'm so worried about her. But her kids are here and they are my FAVORITE people. So for Tam's birthday, I got 4 2011 passes to Seven Peaks/Raging Waters and I'm so excited. I really hope the kids LOVE it.

Gavin is freakin tall. This kid is going to be as tall or taller than me within the year, I swear. He's 10. He also has a size 10 foot...so hard to buy him shoes because he's growing so fast... I can still take him. He won't give anyone else a hug but me. I LOVE IT!! He's getting into Volleyball but I want him to run, mostly because it's my sport and no one in my family is a runner and it's lonely running by yourself and then to have no one at the finish line to say good job or pat you on the back or make you feel special in anyway, it's hard sometimes. But my family plays volleyball and I love to watch them play and wish I could play but rarely get the chance. So while my sister and brother were playing volleyball, I sprinted with Gavin and he's actually very fast. He just doesn't seem interested in it.

Chae is 7 and she said she's interested in running. One night she got on the treadmill at our apartment complex and ran while we were in the other room. We heard her on the treadmill going VERY fast (for the record, she was accompanied by my brother-in-law). We walk in and she was going at a 7 speed which I think is an 8 mile/minute speed. Tam and I have taken her to a track and tried to run but she won't even go a mile there so my hopes aren't very high to have another family runner. :( But it's ok, I still love them. I wish they lived closer instead of the other end of the valley but it is what it is.

Did I mention yet that my dog got pet of the month for May?? Yep, he did. I love my dog. I think out of everything in my life I have going on, the kids and my dog are the things that make me the happiest. I think it's because I have to be better when I'm around them. And it's incredibly nice being needed. Life keeps changing, all around me it keeps moving forward but I don't feel like I am moving with it. Around the kids and my dog, I feel like I have a place that needs me. :)

Wow, I really need a brownie. Or a cup cake. Oh look, a carrot....yum...