So on Friday, I went with my friend to lunch at 5 guys. She drove. We were pulling into the parking spot we wanted next to this big old suburban and got about half way into the stall but stopped because the owner of the suburban had his door wide open. Since we were so far into the parking spot, we decided to wait for him to finish what he was doing. Well, this seemed to anger the man who decided that to prove a point to us, he would begin to move much more slowly. He glared at us while he took off his jacket, took off the badge hanging around his neck, and then this other thing (guessing a phone harness) and then even more slowly (and with a deeper scowl) he began to put his jacket back on. We were just talking to ourselves while he was doing this. After he got done and shut the door, he started pointing at the other two open parking places we could've moved to but we pulled in anyway. He didn't move until we were parked. Then he decided to come about 2 inches away from my window and stare at me. He was blocking my way of getting out. I almost started laughing because honestly, who does that? I thought it had to be a joke. I tried to roll down the window a bit to find out what his deal was but locked the door instead (not my car). Suddenly I got this feeling that I wanted out of the car but he's standing so close to the car so I carefully started opening the door very slowly so I wouldn't hit the guy with it and said, "Excuse me, are you going to move? I'd really like to get out." (shocked at how sweet it sounded). I placed my hand in a spot to control the door but without knowing what he was going to do, it was a dangerous place to put my hand. Using the hip of his body, he hit against the door shutting me in! The force pushed him away from the car so I acted. A normal person would've just sat there until he moved completely away but he started yelling don't hit me, don't you hit me and I got confused. He's attacking me and yelling at me to not hit him? What?? So his pushing against the door moved him away enough for me to open my door and I start to get out, my foot is actually in the doorway but he starts using both his hands and is trying to force the door shut on me! He pushed several times and I'm just yelling at him to move away, my foot is in the door and he's hurting me and I think he realized he's not going to get the door shut so he darts away and I got out and said, "Excuse me!" and he turns back and kicks the car! My mouth dropped. What is happening?? So then I thought, 'holy cow, he tried to keep me in the car and then kicked the car. He's unstable! If tries to hit or kick me or my friend, I'm going to have to defend us both and I will but I honestly didn't want to have to. So I yell at my friend, Amanda, to get back in the car, get her phone and call the police and to give me a pen. When he walked away, I got out and got his license plate number and then Amanda got out to get a picture of the car where he kicked and we saw him coming back so I ordered Amanda back in the car. He decided he needed to also take pictures. We got back in the car and waited for the police. When they finally got there, I told them about how he kept me in the car and then kicked it and they asked Amanda to go to the front of the car while I stayed at the back of the car. The guy was with one cop, Amanda was with 3 and I was left alone. I could hear the guy at the end of the parking area telling the cop, "they hit me and then threatened me with the police." and "it doesn't make sense for them to hit me and then call you" and then "I just want to scare the girl so she doesn't do this again." I knew then that he was playing the system. I saw Amanda wiping tears yet nobody is talking to me, the only one who actually got attacked. I started shaking because I knew I could defend myself against this guy, I could've kicked him into his own car while he was trying to keep me in but I didn't. I stayed calm and because of it, this guy is blatantly getting away with his actions. Well the guy goes into 5 guys and two of the cops talking to Amanda go over to the cop that was talking to the guy and they all look like their in a hurry to leave. I'm wondering if anyone is going to talk to me but the last cop is still talking to Amanda so I decide to join them. As I get there she says thanks to the cop and starts to walk to her side of the door. The cop is walking around my side, again nobody speaking to me about what's going on. I ask the cop and he says a bunch of crap about how neither is going to file the report and how the guy is a jerk and we just picked the wrong day as our parking next to him set him off and a bunch of fluff. The officer wanted to leave too so I say thanks and get in the car. THEN Amanda tells me that if she filed a report against this guy, he would've too. Her report would've been that he kicked her car which is just a misdemeanor. His report would've stated that she hit him with her car. WHAT??? When did that happen because I never saw the car hit him. He hit & pushed the car door repeatedly while I was trying to get out and then he kicked the car. The police said that because there was no witnesses, if they both filed a report, Amanda would go to jail. It's word against word and they said hitting someone with a car was a felony of an "assault with a deadly weapon". AGAIN, the only person assaulted was me and he used the car to do it. Yeah, some people really know how to play the system. Why didn't the police ask if I wanted to file a report? Because I wasn't driving the vehicle. Makes sense doesn't it?
I had to remind myself that God will be the judge in the end. But what if I did something wrong?? I don't know what happened to this guy's thought process or how he saw the actions that took place. I remember teaching something about communications, how people in the same situation can have different views of the story and not only one person is right even though they were experiencing the same thing and I really hope this guy wasn't maliciously acting the way he was but at the same time, who blocks a girl from getting out of a car and then feels like they have to shut the door on her repeatedly?? Although I know how to fight, if you saw me for the first time, I'm not a threatening looking person!
I am proud that I didn't lose control and cause injury on this man, I could've. I know how and it would've been easy. But I didn't. It scares me though to think this is how the world is becoming. People lose control of their emotions like that and take it out wherever they are. I'm grateful to know that if I need to defend myself, I can and will. I'm even more grateful to know that if we are spiritually prepared and alert, in situations like this, we can have a greater strength against the adversary or weak minded people. We don't have to overact like that. We can have control over our actions. I feel like I need to work harder to do that. It's a great reminder of how things are. Now is the time to prepare.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Friday, February 12, 2010
What's this thing called sleep??
Here I am at 3 am and losing hope of sleeping at all!! So I've decided to blog about it. Me, Thia and Dave are on our way out to Sedona AZ but made a pitstop in Payson for a short sleepover at my dad's. We got here at 930 and will be leaving at 7 AM so really its not much of a visit but maybe we can stop back in on our way home. I have problems sleeping and have ever since I was a baby (never grew out of it) but its ALWAYS been worse when I'm on a roadtrip or vacation and tonight isn't any different only tonight I feel very restless. I want to go running but that's dangerous so I won't.... but I really want to go. I'm a black belt, I can handle attackers!! Hmmm...
Anyway, I've decided that since I was up, I should blog about the random thought of the sleepless mind.
First thing I've thought of this early AM is what the heck ever happened to ricky martin?? Has anyone heard from him lately?
Second- why on earth would I leave all 3 of my water bottles in the car?? We're going to be driving for 9 to 10 hours tomorrow and I don't want to be the one asking to stop every other hour for a potty break. What was I thinking?? I'm actually partched at the moment and I realize as I'm typing this that I could go get a drink from the sink but I don't want to AND more importantly if I did, it might wake up Thomas and Dave.
3rd thought: I need a dog. They are so cuddly and loving and seriously cute. I am actually typing all this on my phone and have this incredibly adorable dog laying on my left arm and I just love it! I know, your thinking I'm amazing because I can type this without disturbing the dog and maybe your also thinking its crazy that I'm SO awake at 330 but the really amazing part is how much energy I'll have this whole weekend and how little sleep I'll actually get. I should be studied.
4th thought: are vampires really so scary? Minus the blood sucking thing, being night beings doesn't seem so bad. I wish more people were awake at this time and we could have a little society of going to the movies and maybe to the park or something without being worried some strange person is going to attack you. If that society existed, I could be running right now. Hmmmm...
5: do you realize how much time is actually wasted with sleep?? I want to get to Sedona!! Let's do a midnight hike! Woo.
Another thing: I'm so happy to be gone on valentines weekend. Last year I was on a cruise and this year I'm spending it hiking with my best friend. This makes me VERY VERY Happy but I'm incredibly upset over missing holly and jeremy's chinese new years party. I think celebrating chinese new year is 20 times better then celebrating the US New Year and celebrating with Holly! What could be better? I mean really.
Ok... there are many more thoughts but honestly I don't think the dog appreciates the phone light and he won't want to sleep with me anymore and that would be rejection on valentines weekend which I just can't handle....
Anyway, I've decided that since I was up, I should blog about the random thought of the sleepless mind.
First thing I've thought of this early AM is what the heck ever happened to ricky martin?? Has anyone heard from him lately?
Second- why on earth would I leave all 3 of my water bottles in the car?? We're going to be driving for 9 to 10 hours tomorrow and I don't want to be the one asking to stop every other hour for a potty break. What was I thinking?? I'm actually partched at the moment and I realize as I'm typing this that I could go get a drink from the sink but I don't want to AND more importantly if I did, it might wake up Thomas and Dave.
3rd thought: I need a dog. They are so cuddly and loving and seriously cute. I am actually typing all this on my phone and have this incredibly adorable dog laying on my left arm and I just love it! I know, your thinking I'm amazing because I can type this without disturbing the dog and maybe your also thinking its crazy that I'm SO awake at 330 but the really amazing part is how much energy I'll have this whole weekend and how little sleep I'll actually get. I should be studied.
4th thought: are vampires really so scary? Minus the blood sucking thing, being night beings doesn't seem so bad. I wish more people were awake at this time and we could have a little society of going to the movies and maybe to the park or something without being worried some strange person is going to attack you. If that society existed, I could be running right now. Hmmmm...
5: do you realize how much time is actually wasted with sleep?? I want to get to Sedona!! Let's do a midnight hike! Woo.
Another thing: I'm so happy to be gone on valentines weekend. Last year I was on a cruise and this year I'm spending it hiking with my best friend. This makes me VERY VERY Happy but I'm incredibly upset over missing holly and jeremy's chinese new years party. I think celebrating chinese new year is 20 times better then celebrating the US New Year and celebrating with Holly! What could be better? I mean really.
Ok... there are many more thoughts but honestly I don't think the dog appreciates the phone light and he won't want to sleep with me anymore and that would be rejection on valentines weekend which I just can't handle....
Monday, January 4, 2010
Salt is bad, I do not want to be salt!!
***Warning***This is long and a part of my more serious side***
So, many many wonderful things have happened for me this year and I've been truly blessed. I ended 2008 by going out to Tennessee with my sister Tam and spending Christmas with Janae, my other sister, and her family. Then spent a half day at work and from there headed straight to Disneyland for a New Years celebration which was more fun than I can write about! Went on a 7 day cruise to Mexico during Valentines and then to DC with my best friend in August! For a girl who never gets out, 2009 was seriously adventurous.
But then September hit and for whatever reason I started going down hill. Good things were still happening all around me; for one - my best friend became my roommate (and we've had some serious fun -ReAl soccer, Jazz game, Grizzlee's game, multiple great concerts and 5k's and the gym...yes the gym is fun). Then Tam got married and she's happy which makes me happy... Janae and her family came for an entire week for Christmas which made me ecstatic!! I got to see both my brothers at Thanksgiving and Christmas and got to take tons of pictures which I LOVE... I even got to go into a high tech batting cage used by a major league player and TRY to hit an incredibly fast ball which was incredibly funny. I was able to capture a family picture with both my brothers and both my sisters and seriously, that is a HUGE accomplishment and one I've been desperately wanting for over 7 years!!
But these things weren't enough and it didn't make sense to me that what I was WANTING was to be miserable, who wants that??? I've never in my entire life regretted anything that has ever happened to me. I may have wished for other things but never had regrets. For the first time, I realized that I was living with regret and I didn't know how to handle it.
So New Years came along and I went off to be by myself and I ate lots of junk food and lots of caffeine and I watched Michael Jackson music videos and then lots of movies and was very content in my loneliness. I went home at 2 on New Years Day and cried in my room. Then I slept for 16 hours. When I finally woke up the next day, I was trying to decide if I should be released from my calling as a Sunday School teacher (my favorite calling to have...). I was scheduled to teach THE VERY NEXT DAY and I had tried multiple times earlier that week to study my lesson but nothing was sticking and I know perfectly well that if I don't have the Spirit, I DO NOT TEACH. Oddly enough (or was it a coincidence?), the lesson was on "This is my work and my glory". The whole first section was on being a Child Of God and knowing who we are - one of my favorite things to study but at that moment, I wasn't feeling like a Child of God. I was feeling hurt and anger and dispare.
So I sat in my room with my manual, the Ensign, my scriptures and my phone and was planning my next move - call the sunday school pres or don't... I didn't want to call. I love teaching the gospel for many reasons but mostly because I know that God wants me too and a majority of the time, the class tells ME something I need to hear. It always makes me feel so good when I ask a question to a group of people and I feel the Spirit coming from the answers they give and I feel like I've experienced a mini miracle in that little act. It's amazing!! So remembering this fact, I decided to see what I can find in the Ensign about teaching because I wanted to teach...
I read a couple of articles. The January Ensign is so full of good things! While reading, I was touched and things were starting to stick mentally but I still didn't feel the enlightenment I was desperately seeking. Then my eyes came across Elder Holland's name... For over a year now, he's been one of my favorite speakers and his talks move me in super powerful ways; always saying just what I need to hear in just the right moment. But his talk was titled 'The Best Is Yet To Be' which is not what I was wanting to hear. I needed to hear about teaching so I scanned through the first part of the talk, not really paying attention but made a mental note to read it at a later time and then I read another article and again, nothing special. I flipped through the Ensign again, went to the first page to look at the 'contents' and my eyes rested upon Elder Holland's name but I picked another article to read and had the same experience. So I decided to read the article from Elder Holland - what did I have to lose?
Here's were SALT comes in to play.
Elder Holland chose to start with a caution from the Savior in Luke 17:32 which says, "Remember Lot's wife." I was intrigued because, truthfully I have absolutely no clue who Lot's wife is. Turns out she is a part of the story of Sodom and Ghomorrah which again, not familiar with the story. I know that Sodom and Ghomorrah was destroyed because of inequity of the people. Well God tells Lot and his family to leave and to NOT TURN BACK. When leaving, the wife does turn back and is turned into a pillar of salt. Elder Holland asks, "Just what did Lot's wife do that was so wrong? ...I have thought about that and offer a partial answer. Apparently, what was wrong with Lot's wife was that she wasn't just looking back; in her heart she wanted to go back. It would appear that even before she was past the city limits, she was already missing what Sodom and Gomorrah had offered her."
This is where I get struck by inspiration. I was upset that things weren't going the way I wanted them to go, the way they used to be...so I started pushing people away. The more I pushed, the more alone I started feeling, and then I started regretting that I had depended on other people to contribute to my happiness when I KNEW I'd be let down... then I became so upset at myself because what if I'd never be able to feel the happiness I had felt again; it would've been better to not have felt it at all so I wanted to completely wipe it away from my heart and memory but I can't and that was incredibly frustrating. Satan's lie to me was 'It's easier not feeling, nobody can hurt you that way'. I was listening.
Lot's wife looked back for this very reason and she was turned to salt. I WAS BEING LOT'S WIFE. I do not want to be salt! I want to be what God wants me to be. Obedient, happy, and optimistic to the future! With out even knowing it, my faith that God could give me someting better than what I had was diminishing. Right there and then, my goal has become to re-build my faith and trust and a great way of doing that was to TEACH THE GOSPEL AS I AM TAUGHT THE GOSPEL, through the amazing gift of the Spirit. I became very excited for sunday school and was extremely grateful that God brought me to my knees!
I went to church feeling so incredibly happy. I had a confidence in the gospel that I haven't felt in so long and I knew it came from my Father. Although my hands were shaking when it was time to teach, I felt no fear. FINALLY my will was aligned with my Fathers and my heart was purified through Him. He prepared me for that moment. During class, my eyes were re-opened and I felt His love for me and for those I was priveledged enough to teach, and the class returned it!! The comments that were said, the brightness in their eyes...OH HOW I LOVE THE GOSPEL!!
Elder Holland says to remember that "faith is always pointed towards the future." I know that my future is bright and I'm so excited for it. I will not allow myself to become salt by looking back, I will keep my faith going forward! I rejoice in my God and in the truths He gives us. I pray to never forget that He loves His children with no end. He will always be there to lift each one, He will always be there for me. Be strong, continue forward, AND BE HAPPY. This is the TRUE and LIVING gospel of Jesus Christ. All things are possible. Please remember.
So, many many wonderful things have happened for me this year and I've been truly blessed. I ended 2008 by going out to Tennessee with my sister Tam and spending Christmas with Janae, my other sister, and her family. Then spent a half day at work and from there headed straight to Disneyland for a New Years celebration which was more fun than I can write about! Went on a 7 day cruise to Mexico during Valentines and then to DC with my best friend in August! For a girl who never gets out, 2009 was seriously adventurous.
But then September hit and for whatever reason I started going down hill. Good things were still happening all around me; for one - my best friend became my roommate (and we've had some serious fun -ReAl soccer, Jazz game, Grizzlee's game, multiple great concerts and 5k's and the gym...yes the gym is fun). Then Tam got married and she's happy which makes me happy... Janae and her family came for an entire week for Christmas which made me ecstatic!! I got to see both my brothers at Thanksgiving and Christmas and got to take tons of pictures which I LOVE... I even got to go into a high tech batting cage used by a major league player and TRY to hit an incredibly fast ball which was incredibly funny. I was able to capture a family picture with both my brothers and both my sisters and seriously, that is a HUGE accomplishment and one I've been desperately wanting for over 7 years!!
But these things weren't enough and it didn't make sense to me that what I was WANTING was to be miserable, who wants that??? I've never in my entire life regretted anything that has ever happened to me. I may have wished for other things but never had regrets. For the first time, I realized that I was living with regret and I didn't know how to handle it.
So New Years came along and I went off to be by myself and I ate lots of junk food and lots of caffeine and I watched Michael Jackson music videos and then lots of movies and was very content in my loneliness. I went home at 2 on New Years Day and cried in my room. Then I slept for 16 hours. When I finally woke up the next day, I was trying to decide if I should be released from my calling as a Sunday School teacher (my favorite calling to have...). I was scheduled to teach THE VERY NEXT DAY and I had tried multiple times earlier that week to study my lesson but nothing was sticking and I know perfectly well that if I don't have the Spirit, I DO NOT TEACH. Oddly enough (or was it a coincidence?), the lesson was on "This is my work and my glory". The whole first section was on being a Child Of God and knowing who we are - one of my favorite things to study but at that moment, I wasn't feeling like a Child of God. I was feeling hurt and anger and dispare.
So I sat in my room with my manual, the Ensign, my scriptures and my phone and was planning my next move - call the sunday school pres or don't... I didn't want to call. I love teaching the gospel for many reasons but mostly because I know that God wants me too and a majority of the time, the class tells ME something I need to hear. It always makes me feel so good when I ask a question to a group of people and I feel the Spirit coming from the answers they give and I feel like I've experienced a mini miracle in that little act. It's amazing!! So remembering this fact, I decided to see what I can find in the Ensign about teaching because I wanted to teach...
I read a couple of articles. The January Ensign is so full of good things! While reading, I was touched and things were starting to stick mentally but I still didn't feel the enlightenment I was desperately seeking. Then my eyes came across Elder Holland's name... For over a year now, he's been one of my favorite speakers and his talks move me in super powerful ways; always saying just what I need to hear in just the right moment. But his talk was titled 'The Best Is Yet To Be' which is not what I was wanting to hear. I needed to hear about teaching so I scanned through the first part of the talk, not really paying attention but made a mental note to read it at a later time and then I read another article and again, nothing special. I flipped through the Ensign again, went to the first page to look at the 'contents' and my eyes rested upon Elder Holland's name but I picked another article to read and had the same experience. So I decided to read the article from Elder Holland - what did I have to lose?
Here's were SALT comes in to play.
Elder Holland chose to start with a caution from the Savior in Luke 17:32 which says, "Remember Lot's wife." I was intrigued because, truthfully I have absolutely no clue who Lot's wife is. Turns out she is a part of the story of Sodom and Ghomorrah which again, not familiar with the story. I know that Sodom and Ghomorrah was destroyed because of inequity of the people. Well God tells Lot and his family to leave and to NOT TURN BACK. When leaving, the wife does turn back and is turned into a pillar of salt. Elder Holland asks, "Just what did Lot's wife do that was so wrong? ...I have thought about that and offer a partial answer. Apparently, what was wrong with Lot's wife was that she wasn't just looking back; in her heart she wanted to go back. It would appear that even before she was past the city limits, she was already missing what Sodom and Gomorrah had offered her."
This is where I get struck by inspiration. I was upset that things weren't going the way I wanted them to go, the way they used to be...so I started pushing people away. The more I pushed, the more alone I started feeling, and then I started regretting that I had depended on other people to contribute to my happiness when I KNEW I'd be let down... then I became so upset at myself because what if I'd never be able to feel the happiness I had felt again; it would've been better to not have felt it at all so I wanted to completely wipe it away from my heart and memory but I can't and that was incredibly frustrating. Satan's lie to me was 'It's easier not feeling, nobody can hurt you that way'. I was listening.
Lot's wife looked back for this very reason and she was turned to salt. I WAS BEING LOT'S WIFE. I do not want to be salt! I want to be what God wants me to be. Obedient, happy, and optimistic to the future! With out even knowing it, my faith that God could give me someting better than what I had was diminishing. Right there and then, my goal has become to re-build my faith and trust and a great way of doing that was to TEACH THE GOSPEL AS I AM TAUGHT THE GOSPEL, through the amazing gift of the Spirit. I became very excited for sunday school and was extremely grateful that God brought me to my knees!
I went to church feeling so incredibly happy. I had a confidence in the gospel that I haven't felt in so long and I knew it came from my Father. Although my hands were shaking when it was time to teach, I felt no fear. FINALLY my will was aligned with my Fathers and my heart was purified through Him. He prepared me for that moment. During class, my eyes were re-opened and I felt His love for me and for those I was priveledged enough to teach, and the class returned it!! The comments that were said, the brightness in their eyes...OH HOW I LOVE THE GOSPEL!!
Elder Holland says to remember that "faith is always pointed towards the future." I know that my future is bright and I'm so excited for it. I will not allow myself to become salt by looking back, I will keep my faith going forward! I rejoice in my God and in the truths He gives us. I pray to never forget that He loves His children with no end. He will always be there to lift each one, He will always be there for me. Be strong, continue forward, AND BE HAPPY. This is the TRUE and LIVING gospel of Jesus Christ. All things are possible. Please remember.
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