Monday, August 24, 2009
No pictures, just blog!
So, totally being honest, today was a rough day. I woke up ok but then all sorts of things started bothering me. Issues I've forgotten about that I really need to deal with, things I can't stop thinking about but should. I felt like I couldn't control my thoughts! And THEN I got ready for work. I get to work and I'm feeling so bad about myself and I find out, our programming that controls 90% of what we do at work is down and nobody knows why. Perfect day for this to happen. But somehow I get through that and I'm thinking, I'm going home and not doing a single thing! I'll watch a movie or read a book or go to sleep. And then I thought about how badly I wanted to go to FHE and thought, 'Ok Heavenly Father, if I'm supposed to be at FHE then you just let me know and I'll go.' and you know what? I get a call from my FHE "dad" and he says, "Angela, I'm just calling to invite you to FHE tonight." How stinkin crazy is that?? That's stinkin crazy. Anyway, we end up playing ultimate frisbee and I had a blast. Got all the frustrations out, met new people, bruised the crap out of my hand but hey, we got the frisbee back so it was worth it. Did I mention I molested my friend, (sorry ang). Anyway, just goes to show that sometimes, God sends people to get us out of our poor me's and makes us enjoy life!
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Cancer doesn't sleep, why should we??
So, here is my second post. I know, you've all been waiting around just pacing back and forth and saying to yourself 'I hope Angela gets on and blogs today'. Well, THIS IS FOR YOU!!
Warning: I'm feeling a little sleep deprived and this will be a really LONG blog.
Warning: I'm feeling a little sleep deprived and this will be a really LONG blog.
The American Cancer Society does a walk for the cure every year and since my mom is a 5 year survivor of breast cancer, it means a lot to me when I can get involved with these things. My best friend in the whole world (that would be Thia) sent me an invite to do this walk and I agreed. To be honest, wasn't really sure what I'd be getting into when I agreed but happy that I did. We walked ALL NIGHT LONG (lost count of how many miles but I know it was well over 20). We're supposed to do the walk on a team and we're supposed to have one person on the track at all times. I decided to do the entire night regardless if someone was on the track or not. Why would I do this crazy thing, you might ask. Well, the answer might be too simple but it is what it is. BECAUSE I CAN. I once said that I could walk forever and not get tired and this was the perfect opportunity to show myself that I actually can. I never sleep and and lets face it, such a great cause. Why should I not?
Before we can start
I get there right after work which was around 7 and I was feeling a little bit anxious. There was a lot going on and some of the activities started way before I got there and I was having a hard time getting a hold of my friends so trying to get settled in was rough. I found my beautiful friend, but Thia wouldn't let me put my bags down at our tent because she's got a surprise. She takes me over to the track and this little baggie is sitting on the curb with my mom's name and a personalized message to my mom from Thia which she had already emailed me a couple of days before. I thought, "ok, it's a bag, maybe somethings inside?" so I look and there was dirt. I was confused. Thia donated to have this bag of dirt in my mom's name. Again, confusion. Was there a plant inside - no, so why was this dirt special?? My first thought was, you paid to have this bag of dirt with my mom's name on it? That was a silly purchase. We could've just made our own bags.
Before we can start
I get there right after work which was around 7 and I was feeling a little bit anxious. There was a lot going on and some of the activities started way before I got there and I was having a hard time getting a hold of my friends so trying to get settled in was rough. I found my beautiful friend, but Thia wouldn't let me put my bags down at our tent because she's got a surprise. She takes me over to the track and this little baggie is sitting on the curb with my mom's name and a personalized message to my mom from Thia which she had already emailed me a couple of days before. I thought, "ok, it's a bag, maybe somethings inside?" so I look and there was dirt. I was confused. Thia donated to have this bag of dirt in my mom's name. Again, confusion. Was there a plant inside - no, so why was this dirt special?? My first thought was, you paid to have this bag of dirt with my mom's name on it? That was a silly purchase. We could've just made our own bags.
But I decided to not think about it and said thank you, went to our tent, put my stuff down and sulked. Yep, I sulked. I was tired, my body was already hurting from not getting enough rest for the last 3 weeks, I've felt sick this whole week, a lot of things were going inside my head, work has been incredibly hard for me the last week and I just wanted to go home. But the survivors 
did their walk around the track, then the families joined them and then the teams did their walk as a team and we were off! Stacy and Thia were by my side and then who should show up but sweet Jenn Palmer (I know she's married and I love Clint but she's still Palmer to me, he can be mister Palmer). Jenn just got done with her first trimester of pregnancy and she's been super sick so to see her there meant so much!
The race
After we got Jenn settled, her and I started our race. Thia and Stacy stayed at the tent to run the games our group was in charge of. Everytime we went past my moms "bag of dirt", I felt really special, like she was actually there. It was making sense why Thia did it. I have to say too, I love Jenn. I haven't gotten to see her for so long and it was so great to walk the mile we did. Then Stacy and Thia joined us and can I just tell you, I am so blessed with my choice of friends and the fact that they choose me back?? WOW!! So after a long while, it's getting dark and Jenn, who hadn't eaten a lot before the race, goes on store duty and guess who should show up to take her place? Brandon. He walks around the track with us for a couple times and it's starting to get
dark when they tell us that all walkers need to come to the main stage for the Luminate ceremony. I'm thinking, HUH? We go to the main stage and Jenn shows up just in time! They give each of us this light thing and start playing this video of cancer patients, survivors and people who lost the fight. These are all the names listed on the bags! I am trying so hard to not cry at this point. We light our "bulbs" and they tell us to GO LUMINATE! Thia and I put our lights in my mom's bag and it was the brightest bag out there! I was so proud. As we were 'luminating', guess who shows up next?? LYLE!! I love all this support. We went back to the tent and at that moment, they announce PIZZA! I was so hungry. Thia's sister went out on the track for our team and we the rest of us enjoyed a moment together! We had only been on the track for maybe 3 hours at this point and being able to rest a minute, I realized my feet where cramping, I was getting blisters under the balls of my feet and my legs were stiffening. My goal of walking the entire night was going to be a lot harder than I thought. Then Brandon leaves and I go back on the track.
did their walk around the track, then the families joined them and then the teams did their walk as a team and we were off! Stacy and Thia were by my side and then who should show up but sweet Jenn Palmer (I know she's married and I love Clint but she's still Palmer to me, he can be mister Palmer). Jenn just got done with her first trimester of pregnancy and she's been super sick so to see her there meant so much!
The race
After we got Jenn settled, her and I started our race. Thia and Stacy stayed at the tent to run the games our group was in charge of. Everytime we went past my moms "bag of dirt", I felt really special, like she was actually there. It was making sense why Thia did it. I have to say too, I love Jenn. I haven't gotten to see her for so long and it was so great to walk the mile we did. Then Stacy and Thia joined us and can I just tell you, I am so blessed with my choice of friends and the fact that they choose me back?? WOW!! So after a long while, it's getting dark and Jenn, who hadn't eaten a lot before the race, goes on store duty and guess who should show up to take her place? Brandon. He walks around the track with us for a couple times and it's starting to get
dark when they tell us that all walkers need to come to the main stage for the Luminate ceremony. I'm thinking, HUH? We go to the main stage and Jenn shows up just in time! They give each of us this light thing and start playing this video of cancer patients, survivors and people who lost the fight. These are all the names listed on the bags! I am trying so hard to not cry at this point. We light our "bulbs" and they tell us to GO LUMINATE! Thia and I put our lights in my mom's bag and it was the brightest bag out there! I was so proud. As we were 'luminating', guess who shows up next?? LYLE!! I love all this support. We went back to the tent and at that moment, they announce PIZZA! I was so hungry. Thia's sister went out on the track for our team and we the rest of us enjoyed a moment together! We had only been on the track for maybe 3 hours at this point and being able to rest a minute, I realized my feet where cramping, I was getting blisters under the balls of my feet and my legs were stiffening. My goal of walking the entire night was going to be a lot harder than I thought. Then Brandon leaves and I go back on the track. 
On my own
Walking by myself was pretty awesome! I naturally walk pretty fast so on my own, I got to go at my pace. I turned up my music and took off! There were 3 things that made me LOVE being out there.
1) Every time I walked by my mom's bag, I would get this huge smile on my face because the people in my life are represented in this bag. People who are given trials and work so dang hard to over come them and they allow me to be a part of the sorrow, pain and more importantly the hope and joy that comes from them and these people are always there for me!
2) On more than half the track, you can clearly see the Draper Temple. It wasn't very far from us. How can you NOT put things into perspective when the temple is involved. I got to do a lot of "clear" thinking about my life, goals, and things I want to pursue. I also had a constant reminder that having a goal like this would take more than my ability/strength. I thought a lot about the pioneers trekking it across so many thousands of miles. Seriously, I could do this!
3) This is MY time to enjoy the night. I do not sleep and it's frustrating being awake when I know I should be sleeping. Finally, I get to enjoy physical activity under the stars ALL NIGHT LONG. It was peaceful and beautiful and physically exhausting and I love that!
Because of the pace I kept, I got to pass people quite a few times and I watched them start out strong and then struggle to complete their laps. it was awesome to see them pushing it for this cause. There was this one really cute old guy that was moving very fast and he was actually passing people left and right. The first time I passed him, I was shocked he was moving so fast and it took me awhile to get pass him. The second time I was admiring him because, LOOK AT HIM GO! He had this determined look on his face and he was booking it! The third time that I caught up to him, I told him that he was amazing. He told me his daughter died last December of cervical cancer; she was only 40 years old. He said he had to get 40 lapse in before he could go home. He actually jumped up to my speed and we conversed for about 2 miles. We talked about the strength of his daughter, the world today vs the world that he grew up in and he even brought up the pioneers (he wasn't mormon) and it was really fun to hear his story and then to share mine with him. After awhile, he had a scheduled stop so I went on alone. This is where I started to struggle.
Now you may be thinking, this is a really long and boring story. But there is a point to it and I'll make it in this next segment. :)
HARD TIMES
As I was walking, I wanted to take a picture of each hour I had been out there but couldn't do what I wanted to do in the picture without someone else holding the camera. I started feeling really alone. When I hit 1 AM, I decided I would take pictures anyway marking each hour I had succeeded. Well, 12-1 went really fast. As I got closer to 2, it was getting harder. I was starting to have a hard time lifting up my feet, the blisters were throbbing, my hips were aching, my abs were cramping, I was having a sharp pain in my left inner thigh, and I was having a hard time walking a straight line. I decided I would slow my pace but it turns out, all the people on the track were part of a team and the people were taking 30 minute to hourly rotations with their team members so everybody on the track was freshly rested. As someone would start to pass me, my competitive side would kick in and I wouldn't want to slow down. Being a Howard can be a curse sometimes. So I thought of all the reasons I was out there, I thought about how it would feel accomplishing this task, I thought of the struggling people and how they don't get to rest from cancer, I thought about how Satan tells us we can't do things and how God can make anything happen (even help you from pulling muscles) but it was no good; my body was SCREAMING much louder and it was telling me to QUIT. I said this silent prayer because I needed help. I was getting close to our tent, I could see my pillow in my head and it was inviting me to stop in and say hi; I looked at the tent and looked back at the track, then at the tent again and I started slowing down and then I look again at the track and low and behold, my very best friend was walking the track just ahead of me. So I caught up to her and on we went for 4 more hours - taking pictures of each successful one. :) 
Finally resting for our 7:00 picture, we made it!!
GOD ANSWERS PRAYERS and he helps carry us when we've gone as far as we can on our own and our legs are about to give out on us. I walked for 6 hours and then was pushed along for 4 more. We are never alone.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
The special event!!
Today is a special day because my good friend Heidi said I should blog and here I am, blogging. I find myself worried and I'll tell you why. A) I have NO idea what to talk about and B) will anyone even read this?? Maybe I shouldn't tell anyone I started a blog and then B will be taken care of... :)
To take care of A - here's 10 truths about me:
1. I LOVE to laugh. My goal is to surround myself with people who can help me laugh through EVERYTHING. Life is a gift and we're supposed to enjoy our gifts; otherwise it's like your slapping the person who gave it to you in the face!!
2. I am so incredibly random. If someone were to examine how my brain works, they'd probably need to start therapy.
3. I come from an incredibly picky family (food wise). Since I was 25, I've tried to get myself to start liking certain foods (spicy, mexican, most vegetables) and most of the time, it fails. This year, I'm happy to say, I'm living adventurously and trying most things with new appreciation. It's been an incredible experience and I almost like to eat sea food and Mexican now. Still a work in progress.
4. I HATE spiders and in the past week I've found 7 in my apartment... AHHHH!!!
5. When I get really irritated, I get a panick attacks. I don't like to be irritated.
6. I love the sound of pop cans being open. I don't drink carbonation anymore so I don't get to hear it as often but I love that sound!
7. I dislike grocery shopping. Sometimes I don't eat because I don't want to go to the store. I wish it would come to me.
8. When I've had a really bad day, I like to watch Enchanted. It makes me feel really good about life; it reminds me that sometimes the things we want isn't right and if we are patient, the right things will come to us. We just need to wait it out and enjoy the ride. You know what, I'll be right back. Hang tight.
9. Before December, the farthest east I've ever been was Heber (I went to Steamboat Springs, CO last year and thought maybe that's be farther East but it's straight north! :( ) Since December, I've been to Tennessee, Disneyland, a Mexican Cruise and DC.
10. I'm not allowed to read books. I can't stop and will skip church, food, showering, etc just to get through the book. I won't answer phone calls. It's ridiculous!
Alright, this is a long one!
Next month I will be 30. 30 and still single. When I was in high school, I planned that I'd get married at 23 and start having kids at 25. Of course, that goal was unreachable because I was so incredibly shy that I didn't date the entire time I was in high school (I went on maybe 3 or 4) and didn't come "out of my shell" until I was 26. Shocker, I know. People who know me now would never think such a thing. But, all things happen for a reason. I'm incredibly happy being single and turning 30!! Over the last year, I've been able to find a better sense of who I am and the things I can accomplish and the things I want in life. I've also learned a how to face my fears. It's funny how many things hold us back because we are afraid! I'm having the time of my life!
Speaking of fears, so at the end of last year, I made a decision that I was going to be open to all possibilites that life gives me. Where I never really dated before, I decided to say yes to ALL dating possibilities. Throughout my life, I've always been the one to ask out the guy but this year, I've decided to not hold my personality back from anyone, trust that God would help me through and see what happens. When you decide to open up like that, people notice. I've met so many wonderful new friends (both guys and girls) by doing this and have come to realize some things about me I never knew. I think I'm bringing up dating in this blog because if I hadn't been so open to the dating game, I don't think I'd be as happy as I am. Being put in situations that you can't control puts yourself in perspective. It forces you to rely on "heavenly" forces so much more. Dating was just the start. I started doing other things that scared me like eating by myself INSIDE a restaurant. I know, I know, a lot of people do that but not me, I don't like going to places by myself. It's always made me feel self-conscious. But I did it and it was great! I also did my taxes by myself this year. That was pretty scary because I hate numbers and money and dealing with both together, I didn't think I was going to make it. Although someone else can do it in under an hour and it took me 6 hours to get it all figured out; but I did it and didn't give up and it was awesome! I know I'm pretty much blabbing right now but you know what, these small steps to some people were mile stones to me. So if anyone is reading this, I'm sorry if you thought it was boring or silly but it's a part of what makes me who I am. Until next post, have a great day/night or whatever!
To take care of A - here's 10 truths about me:
1. I LOVE to laugh. My goal is to surround myself with people who can help me laugh through EVERYTHING. Life is a gift and we're supposed to enjoy our gifts; otherwise it's like your slapping the person who gave it to you in the face!!
2. I am so incredibly random. If someone were to examine how my brain works, they'd probably need to start therapy.
3. I come from an incredibly picky family (food wise). Since I was 25, I've tried to get myself to start liking certain foods (spicy, mexican, most vegetables) and most of the time, it fails. This year, I'm happy to say, I'm living adventurously and trying most things with new appreciation. It's been an incredible experience and I almost like to eat sea food and Mexican now. Still a work in progress.
4. I HATE spiders and in the past week I've found 7 in my apartment... AHHHH!!!
5. When I get really irritated, I get a panick attacks. I don't like to be irritated.
6. I love the sound of pop cans being open. I don't drink carbonation anymore so I don't get to hear it as often but I love that sound!
7. I dislike grocery shopping. Sometimes I don't eat because I don't want to go to the store. I wish it would come to me.
8. When I've had a really bad day, I like to watch Enchanted. It makes me feel really good about life; it reminds me that sometimes the things we want isn't right and if we are patient, the right things will come to us. We just need to wait it out and enjoy the ride. You know what, I'll be right back. Hang tight.
9. Before December, the farthest east I've ever been was Heber (I went to Steamboat Springs, CO last year and thought maybe that's be farther East but it's straight north! :( ) Since December, I've been to Tennessee, Disneyland, a Mexican Cruise and DC.
10. I'm not allowed to read books. I can't stop and will skip church, food, showering, etc just to get through the book. I won't answer phone calls. It's ridiculous!
Alright, this is a long one!
Next month I will be 30. 30 and still single. When I was in high school, I planned that I'd get married at 23 and start having kids at 25. Of course, that goal was unreachable because I was so incredibly shy that I didn't date the entire time I was in high school (I went on maybe 3 or 4) and didn't come "out of my shell" until I was 26. Shocker, I know. People who know me now would never think such a thing. But, all things happen for a reason. I'm incredibly happy being single and turning 30!! Over the last year, I've been able to find a better sense of who I am and the things I can accomplish and the things I want in life. I've also learned a how to face my fears. It's funny how many things hold us back because we are afraid! I'm having the time of my life!
Speaking of fears, so at the end of last year, I made a decision that I was going to be open to all possibilites that life gives me. Where I never really dated before, I decided to say yes to ALL dating possibilities. Throughout my life, I've always been the one to ask out the guy but this year, I've decided to not hold my personality back from anyone, trust that God would help me through and see what happens. When you decide to open up like that, people notice. I've met so many wonderful new friends (both guys and girls) by doing this and have come to realize some things about me I never knew. I think I'm bringing up dating in this blog because if I hadn't been so open to the dating game, I don't think I'd be as happy as I am. Being put in situations that you can't control puts yourself in perspective. It forces you to rely on "heavenly" forces so much more. Dating was just the start. I started doing other things that scared me like eating by myself INSIDE a restaurant. I know, I know, a lot of people do that but not me, I don't like going to places by myself. It's always made me feel self-conscious. But I did it and it was great! I also did my taxes by myself this year. That was pretty scary because I hate numbers and money and dealing with both together, I didn't think I was going to make it. Although someone else can do it in under an hour and it took me 6 hours to get it all figured out; but I did it and didn't give up and it was awesome! I know I'm pretty much blabbing right now but you know what, these small steps to some people were mile stones to me. So if anyone is reading this, I'm sorry if you thought it was boring or silly but it's a part of what makes me who I am. Until next post, have a great day/night or whatever!
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