Changes

So I started working out! And I'm excited. Jamie and Kristy (my sister-in-laws) have been doing a 30 day challenge "BODY ROCK" and when I visited Jamie in Colorado, she challenged me to do it too. I've been posting status updates on facebook after almost every workout because it helps me feel like I'm being accountable for staying with it. Might be funny posting after each workout but I did try it and when I posted, I got excited for the next day and when I didn't post, I wasn't as driven.

I did 5 days consistently. Then I went on a weekend vacation and it threw me off. So I started over and kept posting. I think I'm overwhelming my facebook though and I think it's better suited for a blog so...Here we go! I've made a goal to share my work out thoughts and feelings on this poor public piece of social media. Nobody really reads this blog anyway so it's perfect. I can put my thoughts, my successes and my failures on here and when I'm all done, I can read them and become better.

Also, maybe it can help me with food. I struggle on a healthy diet. :(  I think this week I was purposely sabotaged too. My mom made funeral potatoes, someone brought in pizza to work, we started this HUGE consolidation project for MY customer and I'm in charge of it while still handling all the other things I'm supposed to do and we were two people short so the stress is getting to me. And I'm a stress eater. But other than some stress eating, I did good considering how much I used to eat.

Anyway, to get to the real story of this post...I started working out really more than 11 days ago, stopped at day 5, started over and have been 11 days faithful! I did day 10 twice though because I think I'm getting or have had strep (thanks to Stephanie from work for sharing your germs) and day 10 is shorter and I am driven to stay up with this challenge... Which is AWESOME! I did day 11 even though I'm sick and a little bit worried that maybe my body needs to rest but at the end I felt like I conquered such a huge mountain. I just need to drink TONS of liquids and not push myself any more today. REST.

It's been an amazing ride so far. There have been times when I've been fighting my emotions, almost afraid to be me because they have been so off. When I started, I seriously was starting to forget who I am... I would almost cry 15-20 times at work. I felt so stressed and upset at everything. My attitude stunk. So I started working out and changed my diet. First week: still come home upset, beat up and broken.  Flustered by everything. I didn't want to work out. I felt physically and mentally drained. But I made a commitment. So I'd work out so hard and through the whole routine, I'd be cussing Lisa and wondering if I could finish the whole thing. Afterwards, I'd be so thrilled with myself  because I didn't hide under my bed (mentally I could see myself doing that) or stuff myself with a beautiful bacon cheeseburger and a Dr Pepper while watching The Voice or Once Upon A Time which is what I would've loved to have done but I wouldn't have felt any better after. I worked out and I worked out HARD.  I'd have this amazing rush because of what I mentally and physically accomplished. After day 3, I could feel my muscles changing. And I wasn't bloated because I was eating so much better. I was elated! Plus, I saw a big physical change from day 1 to day 7.

Today I don't feel like I've had much change from day 7-11 which is somewhat disappointing because in my head I could see myself being what I had been when I used to run. But not to see a change in a couple of days should be normal, especially the 2nd week. This is where my body is going to fight because it doesn't want change. It's being stressed and it wants to rest. Plus, I did get sabotaged food wise. My determination wavered a couple of times. We got to remember: It takes time to change your life and make it a habit. Just keep getting up when you fall and keep moving!!

So the small victories this week are the most important for me.
- Considering what I used to eat, the damage could've been 4x's worse which is a big deal. I love food.... And I did eat smaller portions of the bad things and there wasn't much of it!! I did eat a salad on a day when I was craving Astro Burger which would've had bacon. That's a huge success.
- I had ZERO Dr Pepper's this week even though I had to go out with a client and the meal was free... Oh how I miss you my delightful 23 flavors...
- I worked out even when I didn't want to and even while being sick. I even got up at 4:45 AM to do so. YES!!
- I feel my muscles and emotions getting stronger from the inside. The outside is soon to follow!
- I can do push-ups where as before I struggled to get more than 3 out ON MY KNEES and even they looked awful!! My form is becoming one of strength.
- I just feel better. I know I'm doing something so great for my health and it makes me so happy. My long term goal really isn't to look a certain way but to feel a certain way. I'm excited the physical changes will be there, don't get me wrong. Everyone wants to be their best self. But when you start to lose the person you know you can be and you don't care that it's happening... That's scary. I'm excited because I know when I do accomplish this goal, I will be a different person in more than one way. I'm building strength from the inside out but at the same time confidence from the outside in.  And that's worth fighting for.